TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Queen Anna
Birthday:	yes, I have one
Birthplace:	my mothers vaginal canal
Current Location:	in front of my computer, idiot.
Eye Color:	blue
Hair Color:	carpet or curtains
Height:	to the top of my head
Right Handed or Left Handed:	I have both
Your Heritage:
The Shoes You Wore Today:	heels, tennis shoes, flip flops
Your Weakness:	mens hands... on me.
Your Fears:	bananas
Your Perfect Pizza:	no meat
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	kicking ryan seacrests ass
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	IM is lame
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I'm hungry
Your Best Physical Feature:	my hair - god damn it
Your Bedtime:	whenever
Your Most Missed Memory:	I forgot
Pepsi or Coke:	water
MacDonalds or Burger King:	neither
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	neither - they both suck - Mighty Tea Leaf all the way
Chocolate or Vanilla:	neither
Cappuccino or Coffee:	tea
Do you Smoke:	no
Do you Swear:	yep
Do you Sing:	all the fucking time
Do you Shower Daily:	nope
Have you Been in Love:	yep
Do you want to go to College:	are we seeing a movie there?
Do you want to get Married:	again?
Do you belive in yourself:	I believe in myself - not belive
Do you get Motion Sickness:	yep
Do you think you are Attractive:	nope
Are you a Health Freak:	yep
Do you get along with your Parents:	yep
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yep
Do you play an Instrument:	these questions are lame
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yep
In the past month have you Smoked:	nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	yes. all kinds I free base. Really
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes. don't tell my husband
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes. don't tell my husband
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	yes. don't tell my husband
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes. again, i ask you - don't fucking tell my husband
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yes. and on tv. I am better than you.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	yes. don't tell my husband
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	sigh - yes, don't tell my husband
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	yes. My husband already knows this one
Ever been Drunk:	christ - these are lame. I am yawning.
Ever been called a Tease:	I have a vagina - yes.
Ever been Beaten up:	My grandmother was a tough cookie .
Ever Shoplifted:	No.
How do you want to Die:	In my sleep at 93. Got it all planned out.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	a kid again.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Africa
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Any color - no patches
Favourite Hair Color:	any - just not purple.
Short or Long Hair:	short.
Height:	taller than me.
Weight:	Not fat.
Best Clothing Style:	Clean
Number of Drugs I have taken:	??
Number of CDs I own:	Many
Number of Piercings:	0
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	taking this test
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Things I like....

.... PIRATES.

That's all. Just wanted to point out that I like pirates.
Arrrr....

Recap of this morning's events

1:00 AM Wake up on friends couch in Santa Monica. Realize all four us who went out to dinner and got shitty drunk and pinkie swore to stay cool have all fallen asleep in front of the tv.

1:15 AM - drive home with my husband.

1:15 AM - 1:45 AM talk on the drive about stupid shit - shit so un important I can't recall now what it was.

1:46 AM - Realize we want donuts

1:47 - 2:15 AM - drive around town looking for open donut shop

2:16 AM - 2:22 AM - Try and decipher what the Korean donut shop owner is saying.

2:30 - Get home eat one Bear Claw, 1/3 an Apple Fritter and some Yoo-Hoo and one shot of Captain.... find a gift bucket on Corona's on my washing machine from my neighbor. SCORE.

2:45 AM - Go to bed

10:21 AM Wake up and realize I am hung over from ONE shot.

So sad.

Should I stay or should I go?

If I stay, there will be trouble. If I go there will be double.

It's St. Pat's fucking day. People are out drinking. I like drinking. I like it muchly. But I have issue with going out on St. Patrick's Day.

Issue #1

The bars will be crowded. EVERYONE decides to go out and drink on this day. Even nuns and 3 year olds. Everyone has a green beer in their hand. People spill outside from cramped bars and shiver in the cold. Ok, this is So. Cal - not really ARCTIC - but nippley none the less.

Issue #2

The bars will be crowded with over priced "specialty" drinks that consist of green dye and a shamrock. They can kiss my Blarney Stone if they think that I am going to pay more just for a 4 leafed weed dangling from my drink. Besides, I like Dirty Martini's.... Do they have a St. Martini Day? No. Fuckers.

Issue #3

I wanna eat a meal. Fork and knife and a nice pretty napkin to accompany my drink. Not a steamy pile of corned beef hash. What in Sam Hill is "corned beef" anyway? It sounds like a cooking project for cows that REALLY like corn. Yep. I say no.

Issue #4

People are dumber on holidays. They just are. There is nothing funny I can type/say about this travesty. People just get less and less able to form rational thoughts or generate worthwhile conversation in bars on days like today.

EXAMPLE:

Stupid person: "Hey Happy St. Patty's Day dude wooo hooo - are you gonna have a drink?"

Anna Queen of Anna Land : "No you fool. I hope you drown in your own feces whilst in a drunken stupor."

Stupid Person: " Uh, ok. What the hell is your problem?"

Anna Queen of Anna Land - BANG!

Stupid Person: " Hey!?! Ahhhhh!!! What the hell??!!! You just shot me in the foot!!! Ouch! Help! POLICE! I've just been shot in the foot!!!"

See?!!!

Clearly, anyone NOT stupid would have run when I pulled out the gun. Stupid stupid people.

Anyway - I WILL be drinking tonight. I WILL be throwing down some fun - just not in a bar. Stupid bars....

Morning movement

I hate breakfast foods. Ok hate is a strong word. I dislike them with a white hot fury that burns bright in my soul.

I should clarify that when I say breakfast foods I mean all the sweet stuff. Pancakes with high fructose corn syrup disguised as real honest to goodness maple syrup (a crime). Waffles with whipped cream. Huge over the top muffins with sugar and sprinkles caked all over. HATE. IT.

I cannot stand anything sweet into he morning. Much prefer a savory bit o sumthin.

Todays breakfast of champions? Left over linguine with clam sauce. Yum. Extra parmesan cheese too & some broccoli.

I am sure that may gross many of you out. That's fine. You all eat dessert for breakfast - I'll see you after your Jenny Craig meetings lard ass.

That's all. I just am really enjoying my breakfast today.

Happy St. Patty's day. I fucking hate this holiday. Stupid waste of a bar night. Too many people drinking strangely altered colored beer. Lame. Totally lame. And this is coming from some one who LOVES a little party. I guess it's because I hate all the novices coming out trying their hand at being obnoxious. I do obnoxious -they just try to be as good at it as me and fail miserably. Poor souls....

In my head hard core

James Blunt : High

Hard Fi - Cash Machine

I CANNOT GET THESE SONGS OUTTA MY HEAD. I find myself SCREAMING 'High" at home alone.

Help. Me.

Yes it's a new look

Yes yes, I paid oodles of money and had this high end designer from New York completely re-do my image. We started from the bottom. She asked me about my childhood and deep down fears and shortcomings. She had me look at ink blots and scribbled notes on my response. I went through a deep hypnosis session to discover a past life and what colors may affect my "chi".

And this, dear people, was the result.

It is the digital reflection of my land and it is dark. Apparently I was a mushroom or a cave dweller in a past life. The color suits me.

Thank Allison. She's a snot. She's a mutha. She's bi. No just kidding. She's my go to graphics gal and she put up with me not paying her and her doing it anyway. Shout out to my ho' . She's 'da shit. She may even be willing to do YOUR blog if you ask nicely and uh, PAY her money. You're not as special as me.

Long term plans

Things I will do tomorrow: (in no particular order)

1. Donate clothes to charity.
2. Realize that something I need and want to keep is in the pocket of one of the items I gave to charity.
3. Break into the Salvation Army.
4. Make pancakes.
5. Not slouch.
6. Figure out why one of my dogs licks her crotch incessantly.
7. Figure out why my other dog licks her butt incessantly.
8. Wonder why my dogs don't help each other out.
9. Eat 5 servings of vegetables.
10. Hit the pooper a lot.
11. Prepare for the Oscars.
12. Practice my fake acceptance speech.
13. Feel depressed that I never pursued my acting career.
14. Drink away my depression. No I don't have a problem. (hiccup)
15. Drink some more.
16. Shave my leg. Yes leg. I shave each leg in intervals.

This message will self destruct.

I fear the Soccer Mom Mafia.

That's it. I think they are on to me. I may have to go into the PTA's Witness Relocation Program. Hide out on a farm where people can't read and don't have nannies. Nannies are informants for the Mommy Mafia king pins.... you can't hide in a place where nannies hang out. Places like Starbucks and snooty parks by the ocean.

It's not safe. I can't talk much more. I think I have said too much already. If they contact you about me, we have never spoken. Be careful. They are dangerous. If they catch you, fight like hell. No telling what could happen if they nab you. You could be scrapbooked to death or forced to make Rice Krispy Treats until your arms fall off.

Makes your blood run cold doesn't it? Yep, they are a blood thirsty group.