Potpourri of shit

Got several things to comment on this fine, gorgeous, perfect, awesome, kinda cool, ok, alright, so so, lame ass, fucked up day.

Item Number 1:

Saw two birds fighting the other day. I mean going at it. Kicking each others asses. It was a avian turf war like I have never seen. Feathers and shit chirping ALL over the place. Totally cool. Birds fight cool. Why? because when then want to they can kick it up a notch and take that fight to the air. How cool is that?! It' like to super heros fighting. They fight on land, they fight in the water and for added drama they can do it in the air too. That was this bird fight. If one of them had lasers shooting from their eyes, it would have been bird fight nirvana. Really.

Item Number 2:

I have a crush on Anderson Cooper. Big time. Why? Cuz he has grey hair and is smart and he is on CNN. Don't know if you recall, used to be in my links - but I an addicted to CNN. As a result, I want to hump him. Yeah yeah, I know what you are going to say. "Are you kidding me Anna? That DWEEB?!"

Yes I say... oh yes baby. Looks are secondary to me. First must be wit and intelligence. You add that to any guy even REMOTELY cute and he turns into Anna porn. I mean it from the bottom of my underwear.

Item Number 3:

Realized more than I ever had before what my husbands porn is. Blonde chicks with curly hair with glasses. BIG TIME. He pitches a tent anytime he sees a girl in glasses. He was all over me the other day and I couldn't figure out why. He was like a fly on shit. Then he pointed out I had been looking like a hot librarian all day and he couldn't take it any more. Right on baby! I totally mind melded him into being turned on by me looking like a nerd. Sweet.

Item Number 4:

Personal out to Red Neck Diva - I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart on getting me addicted to the marketing ploy that is the Hanso Foundation. Damn you to hell. I lay awake thinking about it. I need to get back you I know. Super duper sorry. Been busy wasting my time on the site. I will not give anyone the link here. Find it on your own. I firmly believe anyone who is watching Lost on DVD currently will lose some of the magic if they go to this site. It really isn't a site to be viewed unless you have been up to date on the show. If not, the show won't unfold the same way for you and then you will be a bigger loser than you already are. This coming from the Queen of Losers. I know a loser when I see one. Trust me. And NO Allison this is not directed at you. Though you ARE a DVDer... shame.

Item Number 5:

Been listening to country music for the last week. Some how I got addicted last weekend. I now need major help. I beg of someone to plan an intervention. If you must, you can work with Sam on planning an intervention that includes lots of tequila and shit talking. I like those kind of interventions.

Item Number 6:

Watched a Discovery Channel show about Mount St. Helens the other night. It re-enacted the weeks leading up to the explosion and how scientists were "monitoring" a huge, fast growing bulge on one side of the mountain "wondering" if an eruption was coming and how big it would be.

Now, I am no scientist and understand that hind site gives me the advantage here. But wouldn't make sense to anyone looking at a volcano that if one side is BULGING to 3 times it's size at a very rapid pace that there may be a wee bit of pressure on said volcano and to get the fuck out of the way? I mean, if we all see a huge zit forming on our face we all recognize that there is a bit of pus pressure building up?

I mean, over 50 people died and most of those folks were sitting right in the path of that damn bulge. WTF? That's looking down the barrel of a gun to try and figure out why it isn't shooting. Hello? Sorry if you read this and your loved one was one of those killed. I am sorry your loved one was an idiot.

I just sat there watching this show drinking my smarter than you juice known as vodka and kept wondering that. Really people. I love the Discovery Channel.

Maybe next time they will have a documentary on birds with lasers for eyes. That would rock.

Physical Pain

For those of you that never watch Lost - move one. Nothing to see here. Leave this place.

After watching tonights Lost finale, I am in physical pain. I hurts me and my tiny soul to the bone.

That was the best torturous 2 hours of television I have ever watched. This season finale was better than last years. And that one pissed the shit out of me.

For the record - here are my notes: spoiler warning for those losers who are behind.

*I do not believe Desmond is dead.
*Henry Gail - soooo totally the big guy or at least one of them - like that wasn't obvious in the hatch.
*Definately some Bermuda Triangle thingy.
*I still can't stand Jack - he is a know it all cute boy who tries my patience. His leading everyone into Michaels trap makes me wanna kick him in the balls. I hope the Others do this for me.
*Michael is a pussy - I hope Walt envisions him with tiny blueberry testicles...
*Whats up with the psycho Charlie who now is mean and devious all for the love of Claire?
*Whats with Claire being OK with Charlie again - homeboy tried to drown your son!? Hello? Anybody in there?
*Locke is ALWAYS wrong about the big stuff. I thought the island had healing powers? Can't they heal Lockes broken ego? Sheesh.
*I don't think Echo or Locke are dead either. They are the balance of faith for Jack's reason - you can kill one of them, but not both.

I can't wait for Hurley to go postal. It's gonna happen soon. He's been through too much recently not to wanna kill Michael the next time their paths cross. Maybe he will sit on him or eat him.

I hate that I have to wait to find out. This year will be worse than last - there is sooo much more to wonder.

Anyone care to tell me what happened to the monster? It was a REAL thing that killed the pilot when they first crashed. Then it was some smokey thing that only Locke had seen. Then it was gone. I want monster answers. Literally.

I guess for the meantime, I will have to do some research on the Hanso Foundation (you see their ads on during lost) and buy the book The Bad Twin - it will give me something to hold on to. Thank you marketing geniuses... it is a ploy that will actually work for me.

My addiction - for all the internet to see.

I have a bad addiction. One that if not fed weekly becomes an evil hunger. One that makes me want to kick puppies and steal teddy bears from babies. It is an addiction so powerful that I am altered physically from it. The nail biting, the sleepless nights. The loss of appetite. If my picture was to appear on Oprah or the 6 o clock news I would have terrible terrible terrible "before" and "after" mug shots.

It's pathetic. I know. My addiction keeps me up at night. It's almost obsessive compulsive. I surround myself with people who are on the same thing. We are all junkies. We are so bad that we sit around and just TALK about it. It's so lame of us. What is worse is that my husband eggs this addiction on. He is slightly better than I, but not by much. It is my fault. I introduced this evil thing into our home. And now? Now we hope it never leaves. But that it returns every Wednesday night to relieve of of our stinging need.

I am addicted to "Lost". Powerfully. I feel that the meaning of life can be found from its script pages. That the creators hold the secrets to life on this planet. Hollywood knows and is not sharing. Asshats.

Help me. Tonight is the season finale. That means, I will have to weed throuhg my list of recorded eposiodes from earlier in the season to help me stumble through the summer months of sad, quiet nothingness. I will be lost without "Lost".

I may fall into a downward spiral of depression and alcohol abuse. Ok - at least I will be depressed, I have no idea if it is possible for me to abuse alcohol more than I already have. Whatever - no need to split hairs right now. This is serious.

By tomorrow this time - I will be kicking puppies and pushing old ladies over their walker due to my angry detox.

Hollywood Asshats.

Home Improvement

I sit in chaos. My home is fucking chaos. We proudly purchased our home 5 years ago. It needed help. It was clean and livable, but had not been updated in 50 years. Meaning.... it had never been updated. So it was to be an undertaking on our part to make it up to our standards of living.

New floors, new bathrooms, new wiring, new insulation, new kitchen, new back yard. New frontyard. New fences, new walls, new concrete, new stucco, new roof, new sky lights, new fans, new heaters, new carpet. You get the idea.

We are only half way done. What sucks more than anything else is the fact that the part of the house that is done no one really sees. It's all the back house shit that you don't take your guests to normally. So our house just looks more tore up that ever and nothing looks done.

Recently, and I mean recent in our world for the remodel - this means last November to anyone who doesn't live my life. Recently, we moved out of the master bedroom to one of the TINY small, minute, puny little guest rooms so we could gut our bedroom and update that. So we pulled all the crap that was in the master bed room - king sized bed, clothes, sex toys and all relocated it all to different spots in the house. The plan was to be out of the room for 2 months max as all the work was done on weekends, week nights and a few stolen workdays.

Then the work horse behind this fete, my husband, cut his finger. Butterfly cut his finger into a filet. One Thanksgiving emergency room visit and several stitches later, we were stalled. No worky worky until big man healed. That was Thanksgiving. In case you haven't noticed, it's May now. Actually the end of May. Almost June. We just finished the floors and are finally - yes finally working on the trim to move back in. ETA to move in is 2 weeks.

I feel with every fiber of my being that if I ever move again - and it's not looking like it since to move up would mean paying over $1 million for a home (stupid California market) - I will NEVER undertake a remodel on my own. And this is saying something because I typically NEVER flinch at that shit.

I. Am. Done.

All I want is a kitchen without creepy 1950's yellow tile and evil and scary looking grout. Is that too much to ask?

I guess it is.

Sigh.

But I will give a huge ass shout out to my man. Homeboys got talent. You want sumthin done - he is for certain - without a doubt - bet your life on it - the man who can do it. I will point out something - no matter how unusual it is and the King of Annaland will fix it - correctly. No duct tape and a prayer. It's like he has the understanding of anything technical or repair related built into his DNA - he is the BIONIC REMODELER. I should get him a cape. And maybe some mesh gloves - no more finger cuts please.

You know what I am good at? Sarcasm. And I already have a cape.

Super Marios Lovers Unite

Unless you lived under a rock for the past 20 years, you know that vidoe games rule. If there was one that was the KING of video games it was Super Mario Brothers. Not that there were not vidoe games before that. Yes, there was Pong, Dig Dug, Pac Man bla bla bla... but nothing..... nothing like Super Mario Brothers.

I fucking played that game every day for what seemed like forever. For those of you like me who would actually GET the little video below - I say watch. Give it a minute to zoom in on the dude playing Mario - it's worth it. Made me laugh my ass off at myself for actually "getting" the bit... sigh.

I be illen...

I. Am. Sick. So fucking sick with NO let up in sight. 8 straight days of hell. I think I am dying. Yes, this may be the last you hear from me if I do not kick the Avian Flu soon. Yes, I am SURE that is what I have.

No leave me alone to my suffering.

Blah...

Bean

Ha ha. Made you look.

Ashes and Snow

Couple of months ago I heard of this exhibit in Santa Monica for this photographers work. I also found at that time this website. I can't believe I haven't posted it for you guys before this. Shame on me.

It's mesmerizing. I love it. You never see the same website twice.

Please note that all images you see ARE NOT the result of Photoshop or any other editor to alter the shot. They are truely images of man and wild animals... it took this guy 14 years to create all that you see. So you can only assume it was a slow process.

Be warned, for the best experience you should have some sort of high speed connection and speakers. Go through the site slowly, things appear at a subtle pace. So cool.

Ashes & Snow.org

Last night

My man and I as we left.



Me rockin' to Def Leopard on the road. Yippee.


My dear friend when we got to her house. Sober. For now.





We were greeted by men with tequila shots and women holding trays of margaritas. For free. If you can believe, I did not take a margarita. I was too busy taking my fair share of tequila shots at the front door. We had been there 3 minutes.



I shot of our necklace/mini mug/shot glasses used to take random shots of tequila as you walked around. It was nice.



They brought us taquitos too. Did I mention I was in heaven? Heaven people.




Action shot of a flamenco dancer working on Cinco De Mayo at the gringo party. Here is her secret caption:

"Stupid gringos - I spin and spin here in this stupid dress while you drink to celebrate MY peoples victory. All while I must dance for youlike a little puppet. I hate you white man."

I am sure that's what she was thinking.



As the night wore on, I felt it important to steal decorations and place them on my head.




This is a view from our table overlooking the dance floor. Those white folk sure do know how to throw a Mexican Fiesta. Kinda looks like colorful laundry in the barrio....




Home girls is DRUNK here. Several Seabreezes later I could only tell because she could not be kept off the dance floor and she got all cuddly with everyone. Including me and my growing collection of stolen flower decorations. See below.



See!?? She doesn't even remember this. She doesn't remember that we had to force her off the dance floor to take pictures. She couldn't be bothered. When she gets to this point - she is all dance all of the time and don't get in her way. I love her.



Holy shit - I don't even remember my man taking this pic of me. You think I would, it looks like the flash was as bright as the sun. I am all forehead and stolen flower....




Heres my other girl feasting on a plethora of chips made ready for us. Very wise of them - it did help soak up SOME of the al-key-HALL.




By this time - I had turned Japanese and could not stop taking pictures. It had become my drinking past time. Get drunker... take more pictures.




This picture may seem random in the order of images. I assure you, after one eventful cab ride home, allowing one very drunk girl to prepare a midnight snack of cinnamon rolly goodness only to hit the broil button because she is 3 sheets to the wind, it makes perfect sense.



One more horrible picture of me, drunk, frazzled and devastated at our cinnamon roll loss....Evidently, the flash on my husbands camera is nuclear... I hope I don't suffer from radiation.



My first drink of the morning after. And what I drank the rest of the day to assist with my tequila detox. Holy shit - can you say hung? I knew that you could. And I loved it.

Got my camera and a mission

Tonight my friends and I will celebrate at the much anticipated Jonathan Club Cinco De Mayo party.

Situated right on the beach in Santa Monica, the event has become somewhat of a mini tradition with a few of my friends as we LOVE the event. Have had a blast at this party as well as several others that the club has thrown. What is great about it is that there is no way it can become crowded as it is not a bar but some stupid snooty membership club. Yes, I ride on my friends coat tails because I cannot afford snooty coat tails of my own. None the less, you get all the club party feel with out the annoying-over-crowded-no-bartender-will-address-you-because-they-are-slammed type feel.

So I have been scratching the days off my calendar for weeks.

My girlfriend and I have babbled about it everyday for the past 2 weeks.

WE ARE SOOOOOOO LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

So I will schlep along my camera, my wide grin and my own personal shot glass necklace and document our time.

Please be prepared to view more lame ass drunk party pictures as we become less and less photogenic as the night roles on.

If you have not yet - please see my Cinco De May Eve post below - I don't remember posting it.

Praise be to Quatro De Mayo

Oh mighty margarita - so sweet and tangy. How your blended juiciness relaxes me.

Oh great tequila and strawberry concoction - how you make the evening that much gooder. Yes, gooder.

I praise you.

My puppy praises you.

I shall place you on an alter and sing of your virtues on high.

I shall drink many of you this night to prepare me for the magical Christmas of Mexican liquors.... Cinco De Mayo.

I shall sacrifice my sobriety to your tastiness and enjoy the plethora of your buzz... as I am doing now. Just barely righ' now holmes....

I give to you my images of your strawberrinessness... and how my slutty dog enjoyed your elixir as well.

Bless you. Bless you.

I {heart} posting drunk....

Food tastes no good

Been in a bad mode lately. Haven't eaten much. You know when you get in a phase that even though your stomach growls LOUDLY you can ignore it because you still don't feel hungry?

That's been me for a week.

China - my china.

I am getting braces. Can you fucking believe that? I am in my 30's and will be putting some metal on my grill. Can't wait to look like I am 15 again. All I need is the facial and back acne and 7 fewer sexual partners and I will be the same as my sophomore year. How sad is that? Since I was 15 I can only count 7 ( ok 6 - I faked it with one guy - so he's off the list... wait I faked it with most of them. Shit - does that mean they don't count or do? Crap - did I just negate all my previous sexual activity with that faking caveat? Whatever - worry about that later.) Woulda loved to be able to call myself a ho - but I was too damn picky to let it all hang out.

That said, I am fixin' my china. Not that my teeth are bad, just not as good as I would like it to be and bad enough that I willing to look like a retard to achieve the toothy nirvana that awaits me on the other side of my ordeal. It' s like a dental jihad. I am willing to sacrifice my looks in THIS life for an eternity of good teeth and 72 virgins. Nice. Hopefully none of them will fake it like me.

I will be making my first appointment tomorrow for my x-rays. I should have made it today, but I got too confused with the whole faking the big "O" thing and my past sexual relations to get to that point. I have my priorities.

Anyway - it seems I am not the only one. It appears to be quite the trend with many folks my age these days. In fact - a good friend of my husband will be getting them before his wedding this October. His soon- to-be sister in law wants them. I can count 3 other people who are friends of mine and in their late 20's or 30's who are getting them. WTF? Did we all just get bad teeth later in life or are we all just that petty and focused on our appearances these days? I would like to think it's the later - I prefer petty to having natural down right Billy Bob teeth.

So I am getting braces - I am gonna chew gum every last second I can until I am strapped in.