Dear Collagen Lips

Dear Cunt,

Let me get a couple of things off my chest. Today was NOT the day to mess with me. Yet you did. The resulting responses you received from me that made the checker giggle were deserving and much needed.

When you:

1. Leave your shopping cart with your purse it alone and walk up and down an aisle, it is your own fault if it is left in my way and I move it. YOUR CART, YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Do you really think I am going to stand and stare at your cart HOPING it will move while you prance around the Trader Joes produce isle asking stupid questions about every package of berries the stock boy unloads?
2. Make snide comments under your breath about me touching your cart LOUD enough for me to hear - along with everyone else DON'T be shocked and taken aback when I come at you like a spider monkey. Like I said, today was not the day and if you you didn't want to make a scene, you picked the wrong pregnant bitch. Honey, I would have clocked you today if I hadn't been so outta breath!

So I am hoping you have learned a few lessons.

1. Your cart, your problem. If you don't want people relocating it, don't leave it alone to begin with. WITH YOUR FUCKING PURSE WIDE OPEN!!!! You are an idiot with unatural and falsely huge lips.
2. If you think making comments under your breath loud enough for people to hear is acceptable, then you should also believe that any resulting responses you recieve are also acceptable. It's the law of the universe - you give, you receive. You give shit, you recieve shit. You were just lucky enough today to meet me. And I LOVE giving back. I am funny that way, I like to share the love. Or the pain. Whatever yer bringing whore.

Also. I think I have already addressed this, but it really needs to be stated again. Your scabby, bulging lips are very noticable. In a bad way. Don't do that again. Small lipped or big lipped, you will never be beautiful with the type of attitude you hurlded around today. Never. Now go, be better or die. Either way, get the fuck away from the organic strawberries so I can shop in peace. You fucking, fucking cunt.