Email etiquette

I have inherited many friends from my husbands past. Men that the King of Annaland grew up with that I have confiscated as my own friends. One of them is a very crass little fellow. Neurotic and crass. I gave him permission many years ago to be as vulgar as he wished around me, as long as he allowed the same. It has been a very symbiotic relationship ever since.

I emailed him recently about joining us an event at our house and needed his mailing address as I was too lazy to go look it up. This is our email correspondence.

Me: Whats your home address. Should I mail shit THERE or to the office?Answer me. NOW. Also, are you engaged yet? Don't lie bitch.

Him: 910 XXXXXXX CA 92XXX This is my home address send love letters to the house. Send boxes of money to my office. 325 XXXXX street XXXXXX Ca 92XXX Not engaged.

Me: Jesus. Do I have to order you a Russian bride or something? Christ. If I do, I promise, barely 18. I know that's the only way you'll bite.

Him: Sounds good, please send pictures of her butt hole.

Me: Noted.

I love you Penn Jillete

I really wish I had his job. I would love to host the Bullshit series. Coolest job ever. Here is one of my faves on bottled water. Sit down. Pop some popcorn. Fill a tasty glass of tap water and enjoy.